It is said to be imperative to separate your business and personal life. Don’t let people get to know you too well, keep things strictly business, etc. After months of thinking about this, I realize that the biggest struggle I have right now is to move forward with my yoga teaching and blogging while trying to navigate the consistent anxiety I feel as the mom of a heroin addict. It feels as if one life is supposed to be hidden from the next, even though I publicly write about both. I am going to venture out on a limb and say that to be an authentic yoga teacher and blogger, that might not work for me.
The purpose of this blog post is to get real and to sever my anxiety in this matter. Since the moment I decided to teach yoga, I also decided that I would teach as a real person. Today, I have decided that I will blog about yoga as a real person too.
Teaching and practicing yoga has brought more friends, energy, confidence, and happiness into my life than I have ever known. But yoga is more than that, it is my lifeline. Yoga has made me stronger physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I love to move my body. If I had a past life, maybe I was a dancer. That I get to guide people to become stronger and more comfortable in their own bodies is fantastic. However, that isn’t what I would want my gravestone to read. Instead, I want it to say something like “Rip Angie. She helped us learn to breathe when we thought we couldn’t.”
My life is happy and full of joy. I wake up excited to start the day. My mood is generally good and I love to laugh. I have four fantastic children and the coolest dog ever, not to mention an amazing man who treats me like a queen. I adore the two things I am trying to focus on most now: teaching yoga and writing blogs. I also spend what some would consider too much time on trails simply because I currently have a schedule that allows me to do so and I am happiest there. No matter how much light I have surrounding me, however, darkness threatens my sanctuary every single day.
I found out my son was using heroin on April 4, 2016. My life has never been the same. My yoga friends, both teachers and yogis, were a tremendous support and have remained so this entire time. In teaching, even on the most difficult days, I always try to maintain the line between vulnerability and service. I never feel like it is my job to stand up in front of class and pretend my life is perfect but it is equally important not to throw-up on students. My goal is to let them know that we all walk through shit and some of it is really dark and we can’t escape it. Let’s do it together, as a community.
I finally realize that is my job here too. To write and teach honestly through both difficult and uplifting times. To stop shutting down out of fear of letting potential yoga students see my humanity. To resist the urge to put messaging out into the world that doesn't match who I really am simply to grow my business.
I love yoga, it is central to my life, and I continue to grow and learn as a teacher every single day. I also know the power of yoga as I have experienced it from both practicing and teaching. The strongest connection I have to yoga, however, is the lifeforce itself. When we become present in our breath and focused in our movement (or lack of movement in some practices), we find peace in the moment.
In this moment of time, during this tiny little window of my life, everything is okay. I am at peace, I can breathe. As a writer, yogi, and yoga teacher, I have so much to say from my heart, it is time to stop my head from getting into the way. My hope is, in its simplest form, that I will inspire others to breathe through the good, the bad, and the ugly of life.